It seems all my life I grew up in a broken home. My parents were the divorced by the time I was 7yrs old. Since then my mother has been married, divorced, and married again but still she is not happy. Is marriage a compromise to happiness? Because of my mother’s frolics my ideas of a family and a happy marriage are somewhat warped. Throughout my life I’ve toggled between believing in soul-mates and forever remaining single.
To spite that I am engaged,recently I've found myself less interested in holy matrimony and more in single-life thrills. I am waiting for the ball to drop, or seeing that it already has? Isn’t engaged life supposed to be blissful and happy? You know, the prelude to the great life you're about to share with someone? I mean I’m about to commit my LIFE to one single person, isn’t that good? I guess I would be excited, except I can’t help feeling like everything about my relationship with Ty has been backwards and in hyper speed. We completely skipped the dating period of learning and enjoying the newness of our "love/lust". We’ve been engaged for 6mths (one day he just said "i want to marry you" and handed me his great-grandmother's ring), we’ve been living together for 7mths (he was getting kicked out of his old place, and I happened to be moving that same week too) and I’ve known Ty for 9mths (maybe). I always dreamed of my engagement, not my wedding...but HOW my soul-mate would confess his love; and now i feel like I've been jipped. Is it too late to slow down?
Things with Ty seemed to unfold nicely in the beginning. When we first met, I was smitten. He was so cultivated and worldly; everything about him seemed shiny and new. He was mine, and for once I felt like he was as excited to be with me, as I was to be with him. He was my new toy and i didn't have to share. Even though i have three other siblings, sharing has never been my strong suite; I see that more and more in living with Ty. Ever feel like people only want to share because they aren’t bringing anything worthwhile to the table to being with? Well, that’s how I feel. It seems like all the things that attracted me to him in the beginning appear to be lost. The spontaneity and the adventure are all gone. Was it all a façade, just a smokescreen to blind me from who he really is? Or, in his defense, are all the excitements simply lost in the bustle of our daily activities and pressures? Is that just life? And if it is… do I want it?
My mother tried numerous times to find happiness for herself and us girls (my sibs) but for some reason she still is discontent. Is that all “marriage” has to offer? Would we all be better if she never remarried and we just learned to live alone? Am I destine to follow in my mother’s footsteps, constantly searching for the adventure of love, but consequently settling for less?
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