Grrr! All day I have been in such a foul mood. A dirty, foul, trash can-ey mood...so scoot over Oscar, can i share your can? Honestly, I don't even know where to begin; I don't know how to explain it. It's no secret that I don't particularly care for Ty's ex... Well no, even as I attempt to explain, I have to correct myself and further elaborate... I realized today that it is not Ty's ex that chaps my ass; it's not Pax's ill manners that irk my nerves (even though it does); my problem, the real root of my piss poor attitude is the lack of MATURITY between Ty and Roxy, and how I am dragged in the middle of it. It's weird because I don't feel like I'm "in the middle" of their mess, but I'm on the side-lines and watching the debacle and somehow everything in my life is directly affected.
Bottom line is I'm sick of it, all of it! I mean seriously, how difficult is it to communicate as adults for the betterment of your shared child? I've been thinking so much about it today, and the only thing I can come up with is > THIS is a deal breaker < Is that so wrong? Is that selfish of me...to want to have a normal life that doesn't envolve tense emotions 4x a week over the same bull shit? For the better half of a year, I have listened to Ty gripe and complain about Roxy but never, ever doing ANYTHING to change or fix the situation. And now, now I just don't want to listen anymore, or be around it, or have to be affected by it ever again. This isn't an Aiden situation, it's a "be a grown up about it" situation. I don't love Ty any less, but I'm not willing to go through this for the rest of my life either.
Ugh! I feel so horrible saying that, but it's true. It's so true. Yesterday, I spent my evening home alone going over details or our upcoming wedding, and now - that is the last thing I want to think about.
The worse part about all this: how do I talk to Ty about it? I haven't a clue. Not one iota of a clue (that was worded funky but you get what I mean). Because I don't know how to say all this to his face, I've just been avoiding his face all together. Saying that out loud, I guess that's not reeeaallly high on the maturity bar but all the same, I don't know how to tell him how I feel. It's like starting an email with "I don't mean to be a dick but..." Yeah, no good way to end that. And one thing Jess is always telling me "everything before the but is buulll shiiiiitt" So I've been off from work for about 3hrs now and I still can't bring myself to drive home.
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