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Today is not a good day... Today would be day 250 on the countdown, but instead it is day 0. I found out that I am experiencing what doctors call a Chemical Pregnancy. If you are still confused like I was 2hrs ago, please allow me to explain. A 'chemical pregnancy' is when sperm meets egg and implantation to the uterine wall is attempted but not successful, thus resulting in an early miscarriage. As comforting news I was told that this happens when the embryo is "abnormal or has deficiencies" so "it's okay that is is happening". Ironic how that's not comforting at all, funny how that statement didn't make coping with all this any easier.

Ty isn't very helpful right now either. When I explained everything to him, he just kept saying "I don't understand." but >I< don't know how else to make him understand, and frankly I'm kind of tired of repeating the unsavory details of how I no longer have a baby inside me. What part of: I  was  - now I'm not, is hard to understand? Whatpart of MISCARRIAGE is he missing exactly?

all I can think about right now is how, for whatever reason, God REFUSES to let me have a child of my own.  This is the 2nd time I've been denied. First I get pregnant by someone who did nothing but rally for an abortion, so that we could prepare & 'do it right', but then he left me/dumped the day of the procedure. And now that I actually found someone to stick around and be happy with me, I still can't have a baby. I don't know if I even want to try anymore. What for? I feel like I'd only be setting myself up for disappointment. I guess something this good could never really happen to someone like me.